Live-Blogging the RNC

9:42PM EST: Cindy McCain says Americans are the most generous in HISTORY? Do you hear that? In ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY. And now she says all women, from the BEGINNING OF TIME. This is a bold claim. I mean I know McCain is old, but he ain’t THAT OLD.

9:44PM EST: Again, what is with Cindy McCain’s outrageous speculative historical claims? How the fuck can she possibly know what the Founding Fathers, who are all dead by the way, would have made of McCain? This is just really irresponsible metaphysics.

9:47PM EST: Really? John McCain is quiet about his experience in Vietnam? Really, quiet?

9:50PM EST: To quote Matthew Yglesias: how the fuck did hockey come to symbolize the quintessential American sport? Why not baseball?

9:57PM EST: Man, I thought you could never possibly ruin Chuck Berry, but I was wrong.

10:02PM EST: You can’t spell “power” without “POW.” Think about it.

10:04PM EST: There you go, some call him POW. There it is, I fucking said it man.

10:06PM EST: John McCain played a role in US history? Really? Come on! He is not the fucking manifestation of Hegelian world-historical Geist…mmmkay?

10:10PM EST: Hmm…McCain gained his strength in a small detention cell after being tortured in a place thousands of miles away…sounds like the life of the Gitmo detainee.

10:13PM EST: You know what else living in a tiny box for five years will do to you? It makes you crazy, so that you say shit that no longer makes any sense.

10:18PM EST: Aside, how fucking awesome would it be if Don LaFontaine did McCain’s narration video? So awesome. RIP Man…in a world without Don LaFontaine, it is tragic indeed.

10:24PM EST: Judging by the frequency of the “USA” chants, one would think that a person needs to be constantly reminded that he does, in fact, live in the United States of America.

10:39PM EST: Smithers, are they booing me? No sir, they are saying “BOOOOURNS.”

10:42PM EST: Another aside: does the “peace” signs being waved everywhere remind anyone of Dr. Strangelove?

10:46PM EST: Do Americans really know better than that? The evidence says no, because despite the known fact that offshore drilling won’t produce lower price for years to come, the majority of the people think that it will. And this is what I don’t like about McCain’s policies: they rely on the assumption that somehow Americans can always get it done.

10:48PM EST: Russia did not attack Georgia for oil! It invaded Georgia because of ethnic nationalism.

10:54PM EST: Obama has, in fact, worked with people across the aisle. How about Tom Coburn and Dick Lugar for starters?

11:04PM EST: Well, that was the end. For what it’s worth, the last little rhetorical flourish was very effective, and McCain delivered it well. A more in-depth of what happened will follow tomorrow.


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