The Politics of Geography

In my current job, I go to a lot of different events hosted by political actors of all ideological stripes. But one thing which I resent when I go to these things is what I call the politics of geography.

My job requires me to go to these events regardless of the ideology of whoever is hosting them, so I have been to a fair number of events either hosted by and/or consists of people who are mostly far more right than I am personally. I don’t fucking hold that shit again them, because this is a job.

But whenever I introduce myself to these people, and believe me, I have to, because I can’t do my job effectively if I don’t talk to any of these people, I get this bad vibe when I tell them that I just graduated from Berkeley. There are usually three kinds of reactions. First, there is scepticism: they want to know what the fuck I am doing in an event like this. Second, there is the smart-ass reaction, in which case someone will make a crack at me and say shit like “welcome to the ‘right’ side, har har har.” Third, and this is the worst, they basically brush me off or have the kind of facial expression like I just said something profane or dirty.

I mean, WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?! Just because I come from Berkeley, does that make me a motherfucking pipe-smoking, tree-hugging, war-protesting, hippy dippy motherfucker who is going to fucking whip your motherfucking cracker ass? Well, if I didn’t feel that way before, I certainly do now, now that you fucking made all this unjustified assumptions about me just because I told you where I went for college.

Just because I lived the first 11 years of my life out of this country and did not live in the “heartlands,” does that motherfucking make me any less of an American?!?! Well motherfucking GODDAMN you, because I can put some money on the fact that I probably can write fucking better English and know more about America than YOU do, bitch!

I am fucking sick and tired of playing the politics of geography. I mean, goddamn: who the fuck gives a shit where you came from, where you lived, or where you went to school? How does any of that shit determine how much of a citizen you really are, or how “American” you are? I am a fucking citizen for fuck’s sake; I don’t got to motherfucking answer to your goddamn test of loyalty and patriotism.

The worst example that sticks out in my mind was a couple of weeks ago, when I attended a certain leadership PAC fund-raising event, hosted by people who I would consider to be more on the right than I am. Now, I don’t give a fuck if you are liberal or conservative, because those labels, as we currently use them, are incoherent. I was just there because it was my job to be there, and I have no fucking problems talking to Republicans or whomever the fuck. Now this one guy, who was there representing a major trade association (no names here people), who, after I introduced myself and told him where I went to school, took one glance at me and then looked at my manager and said, in a tone dripping with condescension and sarcasm: “What are you? Crazy? You hired someone from Berkeley? What is this? Diversity?”

I mean, jesus fucking H christ! I wanted to slap that motherfucker right then and there. What the fuck?!?! Then I realized: it’s just a game man, it’s just the game. Like Marlo Stanfield said: the game is the game. Then I calmed down and enjoyed the food provided by the free catering service.

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