Have One on Me, Ted Kennedy

So apparently Ted Kennedy had a seizure today: I wish him all the luck and a speedy recovery.

At a time like this, perhaps some kind of joke is inappropriate, but then again, I was never the one to care. So I’m going to tell a little story about Ted Kennedy, and please believe me when I say that I recall this story with only fondness and not malice.

So last summer, when I was interning in DC, I met another intern at a party, and we started talking and telling stories. I found out that she interned for Ted Kennedy, and since Ted Kennedy is one of the most powerful people in the Senate, if not one of its living symbols, I asked her if she had any good stories to tell. And boy did she ever!

Apparently, she was in Ted Kennedy’s office some fine day, at about 9 in the morning. Senator Kennedy kindly asked her to go get him a cup of coffee. Being a good intern, she of course asked what he wanted in his coffee, if there were to be cream and sugar, and if so, how much? At this point, the story gets interesting, because she told me that Ted Kennedy told her, and I quote: “Put some Baileys in it.”

I was cracking up at this point in the story, because there he was, Ted Kennedy, one of our most esteemed and powerful Senators, member of our most powerful political family, one of the stalwarts in all of Congress, getting his drink on at 9 IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

At this point, I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to give Ted Kennedy massive props for being a totally badass gangsta who gets his drink on before going to a committee meeting and passing laws, or whether to feel disturbed that someone who is as respected as Ted Kennedy is drinking on the job.

But wait, this is not the best part. The best part is when this intern asked Ted Kennedy how dark he wanted his coffee, and Ted Kennedy replied, in a joking tone of course, “Make it as dark as your skin.”

And wait, here’s the punchline: this intern is African American.

At this point, I was really, really, really dying from laughter. I almost choked on my beer and shot that shit through my nose. That one had me going for a good five minutes, so filled with laughter was I, eyes brimming with tears of laughter, clutching my guts and all.

So it saddens me to hear that Ted Kennedy suffered a seizure today. Not because I condone his on-the-job, early-morning drinking, or that I endorse his brand of of off-the-cuffs (if innocuous) racial joke, but because Ted Kennedy is after all only human.

So have one on me Ted, I’ll be drinking and wishing you a speedy recovery, so you can go on with your bad self, taking names and kicking ass.


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